A fried squid sandwich, in a landlocked capital, is objectively absurd. Madrid doesn’t care. The bocadillo de calamares is the lunch of the city — 5 euros, standing up, anywhere near Plaza Mayor.

What it is

Rings of squid, battered in seasoned flour, deep-fried, piled into a crusty white roll. No sauce. No lettuce. Sometimes a lemon wedge. That’s the whole sandwich.

Where to get it

Bar La Campana

Calle de Botoneras, 6. The standard-bearer. Open since the 60s. Counter-only, cash only, the squid is fresh and the bread is hot.

La Ideal

Calle de Botoneras, 4 — literally next door. Locals debate which is better. The answer is whichever has the shorter line.

Casa Rúa

On the edge of Plaza Mayor. Slightly more touristy but the squid is still good. Avoid if the square is packed.

El Brillante

Near Atocha. The 24-hour version. Post-concert, post-flight, 3am bocadillo life.

How to order

“Un bocadillo de calamares, y una caña.” That’s it. Eat it standing at the bar or walking. Don’t ask for mayo. Don’t ask for it grilled. The squid is the point.

When to go

Lunch (1-3pm) or late afternoon (5-7pm). Avoid dinner — bocadillos de calamares are not a dinner food. If someone tries to serve you one at 9pm, they’re serving tourists.

Total cost: €4-6 for the sandwich, €2.50 for the caña. Madrid lunch, complete, under €10.